Saturday, November 9, 2013

Why I started blogging

I started blogging over 4 years ago as a way to get out my thoughts and feelings as G and I started getting more serious about the TTC process.

Trying to get pregnant is stressful enough, but when you add in years of trying combined with a body not doing what it's supposed to and a doctor that doesn't seem to care, it becomes an emotional roller coaster.

Since DH isn't a woman, and his body works just fine, he can't ever really understand what I go through and what it's like for me. Having babies is what women are made to do. That's what we are designed for. My thoughts were, if I'm a woman, and I'm designed to have babies, but I can't, then what is my purpose?  I felt like I didn't have one. I can't tell you how many times I cried myself to sleep in the early years.

Over the last 8 years of trying I've sorta become desensitized. When I hear women talk about being so emotionally drained after trying for a year and about how they want to give up, I have mixed reactions. One, I want to tell them not to give up, that the emotional aspect becomes easier, and you just never know when it will be your turn. Two, I want to laugh and tell them they just have no idea. A year of trying is nothing.

I know everyone is different, and we all have different reactions to the whole process and what we can handle. If I had more regular cycles, therefore more chances to try each year, then I might be more fed up than I am, but at this point I'm lucky if I get 6 chances a year.  Since even when I do have cycles, I don't ovulate without medication, my chances to try getting pregnant are even lower. It basically all depends on how much money and time I have to spend at the RE's office and on fertility medications.

This blog started as, and continues to be a place for me to vent, complain, and even just keep a record of every thing happening in this whole crazy, mixed up, emotional and unglorious life.


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