Thursday, March 21, 2013

Another round soon and vacation plans

*Since I haven't blogged much lately this has turned into a really long post. I hope you have the patience to make it to the end.

I started on pro.vera yesterday to induce another cycle. It feels like I've been waiting forever to TTC again. I think in all actuality it's only been 3 months, but when your clock is ticking very loudly, 3 months feels like 3 years. As long as I don't develop another kidney stone or something else in the next 2 weeks I should be good to go.

This time I'm doing a full injectible cycle. I've already coughed up the $675 for meds in January so I'm all set there. I'm so ready for this. My body is ready for this. I'm feeling very optimistic about this go round.

It's been almost 8 years since we unofficially started this journey, and about 4.5 years since we became serious and started seeking medical assistance.  I know we're doing everything we can, but it feels like after this much time I  should have something to show for it besides the emotional scars left from my miscarriage.

Since having the m/c, my cycles are still not happening on their own. That means that I have to take the pro.vera for 7 days, wait 7-14 days just for my cycle to start, and if nothing happens, wait until at least CD35 before starting over with the pro.vera. So we're looking at 60 days per cycle, on average. At this rate, I only get 6 chances or less a year to try and get pregnant.  Hopefully it won't take that many, but it does start to get depressing after a while.

After trying for as long as we have I find myself going through periods of depression. I suppose that might be normal, but it's certainly no walk in the park. I find myself thinking, "Why do I need to try and eat healthy, or take my prenatal vitamins, or exercise, or do anything if I'm not going to get pregnant?" And I know that kind of thinking isn't healthy, but it's not like I can stop the thoughts from coming.

I've actually put back on about 15 of the pounds I worked so hard to lose since the m/c, and I can't seem to get myself back into the right frame of mind to do anything about it. It doesn't help that my Dr doesn't seem to care about how much I weigh. If he does, he hasn't said anything, and I've seen patients much heavier than me in the waiting room.  My old Dr was so strict about it I was much more careful about what I ate, and when I knew an appointment was coming up I would practically starve myself the week prior just so I wouldn't weigh any more than the previous visit.

I had a gym membership (that I only occasionally used), but I cancelled it at the end of last year because the rate went up over $20 a month with no warning. G wants to check out the new gym in town, but I'm very hesitant, and it's making him mad. The new gym is an Anytime Fitness, and the parking lot always has cars in it. Being an overweight person, I'm very self conscious and I have a lot of body issues. I'm sure no one would be judging me, but I can't bring myself to go to this gym where there seems to always be a lot of people. Any suggestions on how to get over that?

I really need some help in this area. I just don't know what to do. I really want to lose weight and become healthy, but I can't seem to get into the right frame of mind. It doesn't help of course, that I'm married to a man that couldn't give up sodas and junk if his life depended on it.

On to other news

We are finally getting insurance at work. Yay! And it includes maternity. Yay! I do currently have private insurance, and I'll probably keep it until the end of the year. I've already met my deductible so I hate to start over right now. I'll probably use my current policy as the primary, and the new as the secondary. I'm not sure exactly how it's going to work out at this point.

G and I are taking a vacation to Florida this year. Another yay! We are supposed to be going to St. Augustine the last week of August. I found a cute little house to rent that's right on the beach. Here's a view from the back porch.

I've been looking at the activities available in the area, and it's making me really excited! I don't want to pack in a bunch of stuff, just an activity or 2 every other day or so. This vacation is really about just relaxing. Of course, I might be pregnant by then, and then I won't be able to do most of the activities. In that case, it really will be just a relaxation vacation and a sort of babymoon.

This should be even more motivation to lose weight, but it's not working yet.

So that's where we stand right now. My next few posts will probably be an update on the books I've read in March and a cycle update.

I hope everyone has a great Easter!

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