Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Unfight

So what I thought was a fight between me and my mother apparently wasn't.  Here's what happened. 

G went over to see the horse Sunday and my dad was out there so he started talking to my dad about the situation.  My mother came outside while they were talking and my dad asked her if she was mad at me.  She said no.  So I don't know if G told her I was mad and asked her to call me or what because the next thing I know is my phone's ringing and she's telling me she's not mad at me.

I asked her if she's not mad then how come we haven't talked in over 3 weeks.  She said she just thought I was really mad at her and she was giving me my space. (For the first time ever).  I told her that I was really upset because of how she talked to me whan I got there and that it hurt my feelings.  She didn't apologize for what she said or how she talked, what she said was "I'm sorry you got upset, but you should have handled it differently."

She tried to talk to me a little after that, but I was so upset by her comment that I just didn't know what to say to her.  It upset me just as much as thinking she was mad at me.  I'm sure I was a bit dramatic, but I felt like I had wasted tears over her for nothing.  I was terribly upset because I thought our relationship as we knew it was ending and in reality she didn't really even care.  I was hurt that for 3 weeks she didn't call to check on me or see why I was so mad or anything. 

When I got off the phone I wasn't sure if I felt better or worse.  After we hung up she went back outside and told G that I wouldn't talk to her.  He came upset because he went through the trouble of talking to her and having her call me just for her to say I didn't want to talk.  After I explained how the phone conversation went he wasn't so upset.  Besides the fact that I was crying again when he got home.

I was at a point again where I didn't know what to to.  I knew that it was my turn to do something since she made the first move.  Yesterday I ended up calling her about a possible work offer for her and just talked about "safe" subjects for a while then I hung up.  I'm thinking about going to her house today, but I'm not sure if I'm up for that yet.  Maybe I'll go see my horse instead.

I realized why I've been so emotional.  PMS.  CD1 was yesterday so I called the Dr office and the nurse set me up to go to the clinic for some bloodwork and she called me in a prescription of Metformin which I started today.  I take 500mg a day for the first week, then up it to 1000mg for the rest of the month.  At the end of the month I do my b/w again to see if the dose needs to be adjusted.

I felt fine this morning after I took the met, but after I ate lunch I started feeling not so good.  I ate a high fiber high protein lunch so I'm not sure what the problem is.  Maybe it's just initial side effects while my body adjusts to the medication. 

We'll see.  As long as this gets me to my final goal of a baby I'll deal with it.

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