Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Blood is thicker than water

or so my mother told me yesterday. I hope you are ready for a long story. We had a major blow out yesterday and as of right now we are not speaking. Since we live next door to each other and I usually see her every day, this is a big deal in my world. If she had just respected what I had to say then none of this would have happened. I am going to try and explain to you what happened and I hope to get your honest opinion on what YOU think I should do.

This whole this started with my brother. To give you a little background, he is 27, has ADHD, a drinking problem and I think a little bit of mental problems as well. I know he has to see a shrink once a month I think for the medication he takes. He doesn't even pay his own bills. My mother has been paying his bills and taking care of his bank account ever since he has had one. He has to call my mother to find out how much money he has. To me that is just sad.  He also lost his job a few months ago. It was his own fault for talking back to a supervisor. He has not even looked for a job since then. That is the main root of the problem. That and apparently he is my mother's "Golden Child".

For the last several months (even before he lost his job, but got much worse after) he has been completely disrespectful to everyone in the family including my mother even though she refuses to see it or do anything about it. He yells at everyone all the time, cusses at them, and says completely inappropriate even to the kids. Once when he was staying at my mother's house he and my sister were left home with the kids. My sister is 32 and has a 6 yr old daughter. They live with my parents along with my 2 cousins who are 8 and 11.

My mother had to go out of town one day and asked me to bring the kids over to my house when I got home from work to keep my brother from harrassing them. When I got home he had them all locked out of the house and would not let them in for anything. It was hot outside. By the time Gary and I had finished feeding the horses he had let my niece go inside, but wouldn't let the other 2 go in. I was just about to take them over to my house when he came outside to tell them dinner was ready. I told him that I didn't think locking the kids out of the house was a good thing to do or even a nice thing especially since he let our niece go in. He told me to shut the F up, that it's none of my GD business and he doesn't give a shit what I think.

Not long after that there was another incident at my mother's house. Everyone was out for Mother's Day weekend I think. By this time he was staying at my other brother's house in Dallas, but both of them and my other brother's girlfriend were out visiting for the weekend. I don't remember all the particulars, but he started causing a scene and saying obscene things and harrassing my cousins. Well I felt that I needed to tell my mother what was going on hoping she would say something to him. When I told her all she said was that I need to quit telling her because she didn't want to hear it.

My cousins are already emotionally unstable because last August they were in a minor car accident with their mother and she was arrested for child endangerment. I don't remember exactly why except that what ever her circumstance was, high on drugs or something else, she shouldn't have been driving with kids in the car. She had some other charges against her already so she was going to have to do some prison time. That is how the kids ended up at my mother's house. By brother doesn't like them and he lets them know every chance he gets.

My mother telling me that she didn't want to hear about the problems my brother was causing was kind of it for me. My husband already didn't want to be around him and didn't want him anywhere near our house just because of the way he treated me. I also found out that one night shortly after that he started drinking (normal for him), but he drank so much that he started throwing up. The next morning when the kids got up for school they found him passed out on the bathroom floor with puke all over the bathroom. It was after that when he went to stay at my other brother's house. 

Can you see why at this point I really just want to wash my hands of him until he straightens out? I really feel like he owes everyone in the family an apology, but I'm sure no one but my mother will hear one.

So now we are coming to the part about the argument. As I said, my brother has been out of work for a while. He won't have the money to pay his bills next month, but he hasn't even attempted to look for a job. They are coming out this weekend for the holiday and he asked my mother if there was anything he could do around the house for money. She said she would ask me if he could do some work around my house because I had let my sister clean my house for $10 hr when she needed money. I do love him, he is my brother so I was willing to give him a chance and let him do something to earn some money.  When I mentioned it to G, he said absolutely not. I was kind of upset at first, but then I started thinking about it and he was right, but what is my mother going to say when I tell her no. (Just so you know I do thingsall the time  I don't want to do just to please my mother so telling her no is a hard thing for me.) So G said I could blame him and tell her he doesn't want him at the house.

When I told my mother my decision she told me that if I wanted to do something I should do it anyway regardless of how G feels. I told her that I wasn't going to go against my husband so my brother could make a little money. I said that he had burned all his bridges with G and he didn't want him at our house. Again she told me that I should do what I want not what G wants, that "blood is thicker than water". I reminded her of some of the things he has done and her response was, "Well my brothers have done worse things than that." What she forgets, and I didn't think to remind her, is that my dad told her that her brothers could not come out to their house, he didn't want them there. So the only time they come out is when he is not home. So then I just told her that I will give him money if that's what he needs, but I wasn't going to let him over at my house. I also told her that he brought this on himself and it's his fault he doesn't have money and at this point I really don't have any sympathy for him. At this point she wouldn't talk to me so I told her that was my cue to leave.

My feelings are that when I got married my husband became my blood. He doesn't treat me bad or tell me that I can't do the things I want to do. So why would I go against his wishes and anger him for someone whoe doesn't even respect me?

What would you do in this situation? I am so upset by this I hope it doesn't ruin my mini vacation. I can't wait to get to Hot Springs and get away from this situation for a little while.

1 comment:

Bummed Uterus said...

I think you are right. Your brother needs to figure out his own life and if you or your mom just give in to him all the time, he never will. And your husband is your family now. He is the most important, and not only that, but you seem to agree with him anyway. At least a little bit.