Monday, November 9, 2009

He Said What?

I have been over emotional lately so I already get upset over nothing, but my husband had the nerve this weekend to tell me that he wishes I was a better housekeeper like my mother.  I just kept my mouth shut because otherwise I may have been tempted to do bodily harm.  He knew what he was getting into before he married me 6 years ago so how can he tell me now that he wishes I would change.  I just couldn't even begin to tell him how much that hurt my feelings.

In other news I had my CD24 b/w done for my progesterone test last Thursday to tell if I O'd or not.  I haven't gotten the results back yet, but I think something is definitely different this cycle.  On the same day I had the b/w done I had some unusual spotting.  It was bright red and mucousy.  That was the only time there seemed to be a large amount of blood.  For the next 2 days there was just the lightest spotting and then nothing.  If I did O then I could actually start AF naturally for  the first time in 5 years, but even if that was the case it was too early in the cycle for that and it is gone now so that wasn't it.  It was probably nothing, but I have never ever had spotting when it wasn't the start of my cycle so I am just baffled and curious to see if I O'd or not.

I haven't really blogged since I came back from vacation, but that was because I have been down in the dumps.  It doesn't help that I have had a headache for over a week, and I can't sleep because no matter how I lay my back hurts.  Before I started on this journey I was always a very happy-go-lucky person who never saw the down side of anything.  With all the hormonal changes I have been having I feel like I am going crazy and I can't seem to see the up side of anything anymore.  I have decided that I don't like being this person anymore.  It is starting to affect my marriage and I don't want that.  I am going to make a more conscious effort to be more like the person I was so I am going to start by making a list of things that make me happy (in no particular order).

  • laying in bed with my husband holding me
  • when my cat lays in my lap for hours
  • the dozens of ladybugs all over my porch this weekend (supposed to be lucky too)
  • the sound of dry leaves crunching under my feet
  • sleeping late
  • a long hot bath
  • a good book
  • taking a nap
  • kissing my niece
  • getting a letter or card in the mail from a friend
  • riding my horse
These are some of the things I will try to do or think about when I am feeling depressed or in a bad mood.  I also am trying to remember that whether or not I have a baby does not mean that I am a good or bad person.  Being a mother will also not define who I am, but add to it.

Practice hope. As hopefulness becomes a habit, you can achieve a permanently happy spirit. ~ Norman Vincent Peale

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